A Taste of My Daily Frustration

Here is an email conversation that has taken place over two months with a PR firm in the city which will remain nameless (for their benefit - trust me - although I do think this level of communication would make an interesting "What Not To Do" article). To qualify this post a bit further, this firm initially reached out to me about a three-month project - I did not submit my qualifications for any posted job. Here is the conversation as it went down - sort of. Names and important details have been altered to protect the privacy of the idiot involved.

February 25th

PR Girl: Hi Ette2, can you kindly get back to me with your weekly rate. We are looking for coverage from April 6-July 6.

Ette2: As I mentioned to you on the phone, I'm very interested in this opportunity. In this type of economy, it's always a bugger quoting rates when competing with budgets you aren't privy to. That said, I am willing to offer you a competitive rate of 14 bananas per week. I am confident in my talent and believe this is a very competitive rate for my experience level. Please let me know if that works for you. Regards, Ette2

PR Girl: Ooh..yeah, that rate doesn't really work for us.

Ette2: Um...how 'bout we try this...why don't you tell me what you are looking to spend and I can tell you if that number works for me? That way we don't have to play cat and mouse here.

PR Girl: Well I'm thinking more like 4 bananas per week is more up our alley.

Ette2: Well I would be willing to negotiate my rate slightly but it seems we are pretty far apart there. In that case, you may have better luck seeking out someone more junior than me. I appreciate your honesty and I wish you luck in the search. Please let me know if any other projects more suitable for me come up in the near future. (sign off)

March 17th

Ette2: Hey PR Girl, just wanted to check in and see if you ever found someone for that incredibly lowballing hunt you were on. Let me know.

PR Girl: Oh yes, yes, I found not one, but TWO desperate minions actually who were willing to demoralize themselves and their careers and do senior-level work for peanuts. Thanks, I'll keep you in mind for other projects. (sign off)

April 21st

PR Girl: Heyyyy Ette2....I am still on the hunt for someone for that dang three month assignment. Don't you feel sorry for me? (Giggle) I was wondering if possibly you could come in THIS AFTERNOON and meet with me? Oh, and attached please find a 16 page proposal/sample/writing assignment/we-try-to-get-work-from-candidates-for-free-all-the-time-exercise...if you could please do this (in the next two hours, barring travel time) and bring it with you I'd appreciate it.

Ette2: Hmm. Well that's certainly short notice. Answer me something, PR temptress...is your budget larger than when you started? Because again, I don't want to waste your time if it's not - however, if you're willing to be a little more flexible in your price, I am too. We are, after all, in a recession. I can respect that and be negotiable.

PR Girl: Well what kind of fee are you looking for?

(Ette2 is ripping her hair out from her neglected roots at this point, amazed that this girl is intent on going round and round the same useless circle from two months ago. Thus, Ette2 responds with the same 14 bananas quote.)

PR Girl: Oh, that won't work for us. How flexible are you on that?

Slice. That is the sound of skin as I stab myself in the neck with a pencil. Smash. That is the sound of the glass as I throw the keyboard through the window. LARGE SMASH. That is the sound of me throwing MYSELF out the window.