Recession Shemession

I don't buy this "economic downturn" business I keep hearing about. If today is any measure then the economy is freaking booming and consumerism is at an all time high and there are no sales. I took the day off from work because I had 10 days that were going unused this year. Apparently I work too hard! Well of course I was punished for it. On my off day I spent probably 4 hours answering emails an hour and a half on the phone and 1/2 hour crying about it all. My intention for the day was to run major errands, get all my holiday shopping in.

First stop post office, need stamps: Mob scene. Do you know who is at the post office in the middle of a work day? Crazy people. Who stand too close behind you in line. Listen sister, you are not getting any closer to your turn at the stamp machine by touching my ass. Paid full price for stamps.

Next up, book store: Between the chocolates, cds, boardgames and calendars I barely found any books. I finally was able to negotiate my way around the strollers (it's possible a stroller got pushed over, it's unlikely there was a kid in it, but seriously nannies, move that shit out of the way). The line basically wrapped around the store twice. I had like a whole box of Godiva before I got to the front, considered just tossing the box and not paying at that point, but thought it was too early in the day to steal. Paid full price for books.

Argh Bloomingdales: I hate this place. I hate everyone in it. Did you know they don't make wallets that aren't made of leather? It's true. Unless it has SpongeBob Square Pants on the front, adult wallets are made of animals. By the time the third old woman pushed me, I was out of there, wallet-less.

Bergdorf's: The gay guy in gay glasses suggests I "google nylon wallet"

Bendels: Walk in, walk out

Needed to stop at Anthropolgie: Do you know where that is? Uh huh, in Rock Center, Christmas tree, tourists - hell. I sort of blocked out that part but I know I bought stuff because I have a receipt that says I paid full price.

At this point I'm feeling weak and for my own safety and that of others I need to get out of midtown, but I'm still without wallet - Vegitarian sister needs something to open during the festival of lights. I actually go back to Bloomingdales. This time before I hit the wallet section, I make a pit stop at Forty Carrots. Yogurt, everything feels better. Back downstairs, I actually asked the sales girl if patent leather is really leather - she's thinks aloud "probably not." Great, I'm sure she's wrong, but maybe Jessica won't realize. Paid full price

Real shopping is bullshit. From now on I will exclusively shop on line where I don't wait in line. And for the record, "You're Welcome America!" Me and the other 8 trillion people who were shopping in NY today spent our hard-earned cash to revive the economy.