Leia the Wunderdog has been sharing her lair for the last six months with none other than Bro-ette's buddy "Stewpert the coosh-tard." Well, while Stewpert the coosh-tard is a loving, sweet animal, he's still sort of puppy-like, and well, to be quite honest, bro-ette never really trained him, and he's got some social issues. He doesn't quite get the 'no jumping on people 'rule. He is stubborn as a mule and will not come on command. And he's mad territorial about his food.
Enter Leia the Wunderdog. She was basically Angel Food Dog before Stewpert came. She was well behaved, greeted guests with a handshake and poured them a martini (shaken, not stirred). But ever since Stewpert's arrival, she's been working hard to keep up with the coosh-tards, and well, it's been affecting her temperament.
See, Stewpert gets fed twice a day. Leia the Wunderdog? Just once. She, like most women, suffers from the extra few lbs she can't quite seem to shed, no matter how many Frisbees she catches or laps she does around the yard. Stewpert on the other hand looks like an Ethiopian, his ribs and spine stuck out like an abused, neglected child's. So tonight, I fed Stewpert his evening kibble, like the king he is. He quickly ate 3/4's of the bowl and then sauntered off to find out what was going on in the kitchen. Well, Leia took that opportunity to go check out what was being served at table 3. When Stewpert returned, he saw Leia eating a bite of his watercress salad and like any man, he attacked her fat ass.
What ensued was X-rated stuff Peta would cover their eyes over. The dogs, entangled and snarled, went at each others faces until I could muster the balls to stick my bare hands in there and try to pull them off one another -- to no avail. H-ette flew in like a seagull and swiped Stewpert up, separating the abusive couple.
After an hour of time out for both of them, Stewpert has emerged as the clear loser of this battle. As his face gashes clearly show, Leia takes shit from no man -- and she does not think she's fat. Let's hope Stewpert learned a valuable lesson about sharing and relationships tonight...
Enter Leia the Wunderdog. She was basically Angel Food Dog before Stewpert came. She was well behaved, greeted guests with a handshake and poured them a martini (shaken, not stirred). But ever since Stewpert's arrival, she's been working hard to keep up with the coosh-tards, and well, it's been affecting her temperament.
See, Stewpert gets fed twice a day. Leia the Wunderdog? Just once. She, like most women, suffers from the extra few lbs she can't quite seem to shed, no matter how many Frisbees she catches or laps she does around the yard. Stewpert on the other hand looks like an Ethiopian, his ribs and spine stuck out like an abused, neglected child's. So tonight, I fed Stewpert his evening kibble, like the king he is. He quickly ate 3/4's of the bowl and then sauntered off to find out what was going on in the kitchen. Well, Leia took that opportunity to go check out what was being served at table 3. When Stewpert returned, he saw Leia eating a bite of his watercress salad and like any man, he attacked her fat ass.
What ensued was X-rated stuff Peta would cover their eyes over. The dogs, entangled and snarled, went at each others faces until I could muster the balls to stick my bare hands in there and try to pull them off one another -- to no avail. H-ette flew in like a seagull and swiped Stewpert up, separating the abusive couple.
After an hour of time out for both of them, Stewpert has emerged as the clear loser of this battle. As his face gashes clearly show, Leia takes shit from no man -- and she does not think she's fat. Let's hope Stewpert learned a valuable lesson about sharing and relationships tonight...
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1 comment:
Y'all gonna make lose my mind... UP in HEYAH... UP in HEYAH!
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