Chin hair is cool for Justin Bobby, but not me

Today at work I was mindlessly scratching my chin when I noticed my two little friends have returned home.  My two chin hairs.  Two long, dark, thick chin hairs.  For pretty much my entire adulthood, two stupid chin hairs have taken residence about an inch below my chin.  They are the bane of my existence.  Usually I outsmart them, I check periodically, feel around under there for stubble and then pluck those bitches right out, no one is the wiser.  But I guess I've been busy and distracted lately what with the whole Katie and Peter split and then non-split and I let myself go.  So when I realized they were back in full force I almost became sick to my stomach.  I stroked them to see how long they were - and they've been there a while.  So now I'm looking around the office and I'm sure someone can see me stroking my chiny hairs and thinks I'm gross.  No matter how great a girl feels about herself, all it takes to destroy her confidence is like a long hair growing off a mole, or a zit on her chest, or catching herself in the mirror to see one long straggly gray hair in the back of her perfectly brunette head that's obviously been growing for years, mocking her back there, knowing she can't see it, can't do a thing about it, waving at all the people who sit behind her at work.  It's these little things that really matter.  If we've got a little cellulite, it's like you know we accept it, no amount of lunges will change that so we move on, or if we're 3 inches shorter than everyone else, we deal, we wear heals, it's fine.  But these little, normally manageable offenses really get in our heads.  I basically had to leave work early to go do surgery on my chin.  And now they are gone and I can go back to feeling like I'm not some half-breed werewolf woman.  I know its gross and I accept the fact that some of you will never quite think of me the same way, I may have lost any of that "jew I wanna do" status I might have once had.  But at least I aim to keep them at bay.  What about those women you see on the bus with like 6 major chin hairs?  They ain't never been plucked, they just grow thicker and longer and more gruesome everyday.  Who are these women?!  And why are they so powerful?  How is it that they don't live in fear of the chinys like I do?  I envy them in a way.  They are evolved.