For the record

Here are my official "race" results:

Overall place: 5521
Gender place: 2900
Finish time: 50:29
Pace mile: 12:37

There were 5981 total runners, 3239 of them were women.
What that means is that I beat 460 people, 339 of them were women.
So I'm faster than about 121 guys of all ages and sizes and 339 women of all ages and sizes.
My sister beat me by 1 second - bitch.

You may not be impressed with my standings, but I freaking am. I didn't practice at all, and I ate donuts before the race.