Who knew?

Who knew Thanksgiving was so much damn work? Fo' real. It's like planning a wedding, but at your own house. With turkey, which you'd never serve at your wedding. And cranberry sauce, which I'm pretty sure you wouldn't serve either. But seriously. It's like a LOT of work. 18 peeps are showing up at my house in a few days expecting to be fed, gotten drunk, and leave sated. 

I'm glad I'm resourceful and smart. B/c otherwise I would have completely forgotten about things like...

• freezer Ziploc bags. For easy clean up, throw it in a Ziploc. When in doubt, throw it a Ziploc.
• Tupperwares, so all my guests can take home some leftovers - but I got small tupperwares, bc they aren't allowed to take home too much...H-ette and I plan on living off the turkey for 3 weeks or so.  
• Napkin rings, b/c everyone needs a ring for their napkin. What would we do without them? They serve such purpose.
  
• Unscented candles. I'll be damned if I don't own 400 candles, and all of them are scented. And no one likes to smell patchouli and jasmine as they're sucking on a turkey bone.
• Extra TP and a few plungers for good measure. 18 people. 15 courses. It's inevitable. Everybody poops.
• Screw top wine. By the 5th bottle, the Rabbit becomes more like a Rubik's cube. Twist tops are much better.
• Celery and apples. B/c apparently you're supposed to stuff the bird's hole with these such things, to release "aromas." Because everyone knows celery has a pretty serious aroma.
• When buying a 31 lb turkey, it's probably a smart thing to ensure you have a pan to fit such a monstrosity. And maybe hire someone to carry it out to the car for you. That sucker's heavy.
• H-ette. Make sure you have one of these around. They are good for numerous things, including but not limited to: plumbing issues, electrical problems, turkey juice leaks (all over the trunk of your big rig), liquor runs, coat check, DJ, host, and pretty much Best in Show. ; )

I kid...family, I can't WAIT for you all to show up at my doorstep in a few short days. I promise it will be a fun day, and somewhere in the midst of it all, we'll give thanks for something, I'm sure. What, I don't know yet. But let's hope it's for something like me not screwing up the meal by forgetting to cook the turkey.