So you'll have to forgive me for my absence, I was called away to LA for important business dealings. Among those is giving celebrities free things - sounds fun, actually isn't. I'll explain later. But before I do, I'll recap some findings from my trip.
- Everyone in LA weighs five pounds, young and old alike. They are all strung out looking, no butt-having, hungry-ass toothpicks. Vanessa Hudgens is the size of an ant.
- Women over the age of30 don't have a mirror. Because if they did, they would notice that they've gone overboard on the plastic surgery. Their eyes are little slits, their mouths stretch all the way to their ears, and their cheekbones touch their lashes. And they wear way too much lip gloss. They have giant fake knockers. Their hair is highlighted and long, so from the back you think you are looking at a hooters waitress, but when they turn around, its more like the crypt keeper.
- The teenagers in LA all dress like Lauren Conrad and they all look like they are 30, and then the plastic surgery starts.
- The weather is really good all the time. They get all upset and think there is some weird weather pattern happening when it tops out at 60 degrees.
- No one works around lunchtime, they all pack all the restaurants.
- Despite the ridiculously freezing cold bs we deal with NY is way better, any day, any time
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