So word on the street is, the Rubik's Cube is getting a makeover. It's 30 years old, it's time for a little face lift, apparently. But I feel kind of jipped - or stupid or something, because in 30 years, I never figured out the damn thing. And now, mister smarty pants Erno Rubik is like, 'oh, vee are bored vith zis, I have done zis vith my eyes closed, vith my hands tied behind my beckkk...itz time for a new cube, ya?'
I mean, c'mon. Seriously. Is this really the time to be upgrading the world's biggest handheld puzzle? The original has 43,252,003,274,489,856,000 possible combinations on its six faces, for crying out loud - I think we could go another 30 years or so before it truly wears out its welcome. Think of all the cases of depression this will cause. People who have lost their jobs, aren't feeling quite good enough, smart enough...and then to find out that they took too long to solve the Rubik's and it's all downhill from there. Next, liquor stores will be packed with customers buying pints of JD in paper bags at 11am, kids will cry themselves to sleep wondering where daddy is, wailing wondering why life has dealt them this card. Before you know it, there will be riots in the street, and cars overturned, and gas stations looted and Snickers bars stolen.
Morale will sink to an all time low. The government will have to declare a "Boost Your Spirit - Forget About the Cube!" day. It could get really, really bad. They might have to come out with a Rubik's Stimulus Package. All hell will break loose just because some Hungarian who's too smart for his own good had to go and come out with some three-sided Rubik's upgrade.
Seriously, people. This could be the beginning of the end. It's time to start taking my bomb shelter idea seriously.
I mean, c'mon. Seriously. Is this really the time to be upgrading the world's biggest handheld puzzle? The original has 43,252,003,274,489,856,000 possible combinations on its six faces, for crying out loud - I think we could go another 30 years or so before it truly wears out its welcome. Think of all the cases of depression this will cause. People who have lost their jobs, aren't feeling quite good enough, smart enough...and then to find out that they took too long to solve the Rubik's and it's all downhill from there. Next, liquor stores will be packed with customers buying pints of JD in paper bags at 11am, kids will cry themselves to sleep wondering where daddy is, wailing wondering why life has dealt them this card. Before you know it, there will be riots in the street, and cars overturned, and gas stations looted and Snickers bars stolen.
Morale will sink to an all time low. The government will have to declare a "Boost Your Spirit - Forget About the Cube!" day. It could get really, really bad. They might have to come out with a Rubik's Stimulus Package. All hell will break loose just because some Hungarian who's too smart for his own good had to go and come out with some three-sided Rubik's upgrade.
Seriously, people. This could be the beginning of the end. It's time to start taking my bomb shelter idea seriously.
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