Letter of Apology

Dear Papa Shazam,

1 did not eat pork. Welllll, let me clarify, because two wrongs certainly don't make a right, so lying won't be much better than pig noshing...would it? Back to pork - maybe she smelled it. She definitely picked it up in her fingers, held it's greasy, porky on-the-bone goodness and then she might have put it back down on the platter, but she licked her fingers, for sure, and she savored that combination texture of butter and salt and meat residue that ended up on her pointer finger and thumb. She watched me while I at my pork ribs, because I am the kind of Jew who was taught that as long as you don't eat it in your own kitchen, it's kosher, and anything goes. I guess that makes me a bad influence...I do feel bad, I do. BUT - I will say that she chowed down on some chicken and brisket, and I'm fairly certain that two Jew-friendly meats cancel out one traif one.

Next time, I promise you with G-d as my witness, we will patronize a nice falafel joint, I will ensure we stick to vegetarian/milchig options, and 1 will continue on her righteous path toward the pearly gates of Jew Heaven. And I will add this to the ever-growing list of sins 1 racks up throughout the year, so she has lots and lots to ask for forgiveness for next Yom Kippur.

Yours truly,
Two