That's what I think it should be called - because there's so much to f-ing do to get ready for such a shindig. It's unbelievable, really. Here's a brief look into my mind the last couple of days as I run through my mental checklists for next week:
What's the menu going to be....should I stick to the traditional or put my Dorothy Draper stamp on things? I love the idea of hosting. I love the idea of having some special treats that people remember long after they've driven home, half drunk. But what? Papa-in-law-ette is a meat and potatoes kind of guy. Mother-in-law-ette is workin' a crazy diet which she is sticking to her guns on (and for good reason - she's lost a ton of weight...good job, MIL-ette!), H-ette won't eat mushrooms, some one's a vegan...someone is allergic to nuts...oh for crying out loud. This basically leaves me with baby carrots. That's what we're eating.
I don't own a single dining room chair. I have a kick ass dining table that seats like 16, but nowhere for the guestettes to rest their laurels. Oh, and I have a guest whose name is Laurel. She won't have anywhere to sit either. Shit. Rent chairs...don't forget.
That fancy dining room table that has never been used? I guess I need something to protect the top, like a table pad. Jeez they're expensive. Louis Vuitton Speedy bag...table pad...it's a tough call. Shit. I should protect the table. I guess that means I need a friggin tablecloth. F*$*(@)k.
I think I'll have a glass of wine to help me through this list...oh, that reminds me. We need alcohol. Lots of it. 14 drunks coming over here for dinner...I better not get all teetotaler on them. Half a case of wine? A bottle of vodka? Better get a few different kinds of liquor. We're gonna need it if all I'm feeding my guests is carrots..
What size turkey does one get for 14 guests? Do I just show up the day before Thanksgiving and get a fresh one from the grocery store? Am I supposed to order the thing? I certainly wouldn't want to mess THAT up...sheesh. Gotta figure that out.
Ette1, I hope you are still planning on joining. I am going to need the moral support, and I'm going to need your kick ass sense of humor to distract people when I mess up all of the above.
Posts
1 comment:
TAKE A CHILL PILL AND MAKE SURE THE IN LAW ETTES ARE INVOLVED TO HELP YOU WITH THE HERD. THE MORE WINE YOU CONSUME THE MORE THEY WILL HAVE TO HELP! AS FOR THE VODKA MAKE SURE GREY GOOSE IS AVAILABLE AS MOST GUESTS WILL THUMB THEIR NOSES IF SOME CRAP LIKE 3 OLIVES IS SERVED. WHO CARES WHERE THEY SIT AS LONG AS THERE IS PLENTY TO STUFF DOWN THE OLD PIE HOLE.
Post a Comment