Ok, I’ll admit it, I have Olympic fever.

I was home alone yesterday and I couldn’t help but watch. It’s been a couple weeks since Pants made watch any sporting events and the desire for competition must have seeped into my subconscience some how and I couldn’t turn the tv off.

It started off simple enough with the opening ceremony that we DVR’d, pretty amazing, but I fast-forwarded through most of it… great, there’s drums, lots of people in unison, exciting, etc… But then I caught women’s synchronized diving. I couldn’t not watch and not because of the amazing feats of physical accomplishment – because the physical on these women. Female divers aren’t like the female swimmers, they are fit but don’t have that beefy, man chest the swimmers are all workin with. And they are in these little suits, and they stand backwards on the diving board so you can’t not look at their butts. There was this one Chinese diver – who actually won, who had a huge ass – but in a good way. All the rest of them had tight little diver butts, but this girl had a giant pooper. It was looking at a car accident, I knew I shouldn’t stare but I couldn’t look away.

Then I watched gymnastics. There is some rule about the girls having to be at least 16 – well, someone is lying about their age, because these girls aren’t a day over 10, and that stupid sparkly makeup they wear isn’t helping them to look more mature. I couldn’t even justify looking at their butts because they are basically children and that would be way to pervy. The shit they do is crazy, but after seeing like a hundred double back tuck flips, you get desensitized. It’s like, yeah I’ve seen that before, that’s not so hard. I’m basically on the couch eating these snickers ice cream bars that Pants bought and thinking to myself, that’s not so such a big deal, I could probably do it if I practiced a lot.

Finally I tuned into the men’s swimming relay. I’m all for Americans winning, but I’m not having Michael Phelps-mania like everyone else. He kinda has a dumb looking face, like he sucked his thumb for too long, and that man-fish body of his sort of scares me, I always think his pants are going to fall off – there are no hips to keep them up. But when they raced the stupid shit-talking French by the end I was basically screaming for them to win, and some unknown American dude pulls out this unbelievable come-from-behind victory. He basically hands Michael Phelps his second gold of the game. It was so intense and awesome. So despite myself, I may be tuning in for more of the Olympic games. And maybe it’ll inspire me to put down the snickers ice cream and hit the gym again.