That bitch forgot my sauce.

Have you heard about this guy who called 911 because Subway didn’t put sauce on his sandwich? That’s right he called the police to alert them that the subway sammy guy screwed up his order. Needless to say the coppers weren’t happy – they of course went to investigate and enjoy a 5 dollar foot long, but after that dude was arrested for like not taking 911 seriously enough. Which gave me a good idea. How many times have you been pissed off by bad service? Bitchy counter people, cheese on your burger when you didn’t order cheese, not enough hot fudge on the hot fudge sundae at McDs, just generally not having it your way… There should be some sort of service, someone you can call and complain about it. That way you can leave the cops to their important work of busting stoners at concerts and posing as hookers to catch sad guys who can’t get laid – and you still get to vent. I’m not talking about a leave-a-message sort of service, some sorry jerk should have to pick up the phone and hear out your entire grievance and then apologize – wholeheartedly. They should nod with agreement and sound shocked at the really bad parts and at the end tell you “you are obviously right and the other party is obviously wrong and also rude, and probably also ugly.” You will get it out of your system so you don’t have to carry around the negative vibes and no one gets hurt. I’d even pay for this sort of service. Half of what I do at therapy is basically bitch about how people wrong me and that’s $175 a pop. I’d rather pay $8.95 for a monthly subscription to the “You’re Right, They’re Wrong” line it takes five minutes and instantly puts you in a better mood – so worth it.