I have to pee

I sort of have to pee all the time. I have to pee right now as I write this, but I don’t feel like getting up.

To pee in my office is requires finding the bathroom key, shuffling outside the office into the hall by the elevators and then usually waiting in line in our crappy little ugly bathroom. Then once I’m in the stall, it takes forever to get my butt on the seat. First I need to inspect the space. Did anyone leave pee all over the seat, was there some unfortunate poo incident that isn’t resolved in the area, is there adequate toilet paper, does anything seem inappropriate for proper sitting? Once I feel confident, I can begin to undress. I’m usually wearing tights which cut off my circulation when I try to wrench them down by my knees, and then I have to wrap the dress up in a ball by my wait to avoid any unfortunate slippage into the bowl. Or if I’m not in tights, I’m in some complicated 2-button, 3-hook closure pants and it’s a whole procedure to get them off. Finally at this point, I’ve waited so long, I’m almost leaking, I finally sit – oh yes I sit – I don’t have the balance to squat over the bowl and my aim is terrible. The whole freaking procedure takes forever and I’m always afraid I’m missing the one phone call I needed to take during the day while I’m away from my desk. So instead I sit here at my computer trying to think of dry places, keeping my legs crossed tight and hoping the urge will pass.