Things To Do on Super Bowl Sunday (Besides Watch the Game)

If you're anything like me, today is just another Sunday, albiet with some extra thought placed into the culinary selection for the evening. Like, are we going to have cheese pizza or pepperoni? Should we make 7-layer dip or are 6 layers glutonous and substantial enough? Should we drink domestic or imported brew? These choices are difficult I know. But once you survive that task, here are some activities I personally find a better use of my time than watching 300 pound men run full force into each other. For hours.

1) Today would be a great day to read Honest Abe's biography. He was depressed. You are also depressed because you hate football. Use his symptoms to claim your own case and try to score some free Rx drugs from your Super Bowl hosts.

2) Take up pottery today. This will really give new meaning to Super Bowl as you can create your very own super bowl.

3) Go to an amusement park. All the parents are home drinking their asses off while their kids get in to trouble playing with matches in their bedroom. Now is the perfect opportunity to visit Disney World! No lines for Space Mountain!

4) Go shopping. Offer your company to the poor retail souls who got stuck working Super Bowl Sunday's shift. I mean, they have to work either way, you might as well use this opportunity to go try on 400 pairs of shoes just for fun.

5) If you're pregnant, stuff a water balloon in your crotch and make it pop. Everyone watching the game will think your water broke, and you can sit back and observe as they all see who is the least drunk to drive you to the hospital.

6) Spike everything. Nachos, guac, diet cokes...make sure everyone who does watch the game gets real sauced. And then just videotape them doing stupid stuff. I promise you will be able to use these videos in the future for bribery purposes.

If all else fails, just suck it up and watch the stupid game. But be sure to ask questions throughout, not because you care, because it's really fun to annoy people.