Tori-too

Readerettes, good news to share, 1 will not be homeless.  Pants and I charmed the pants off those board members - obvi - who doesn't like us? (well mean brokers not included)  So moving day is this Friday, and instead of packing I'm sitting on my fat, rental-apartment-having-ass and watching Tori & Dean which is my new freaking favorite show.  I love Tori and her buggy eyes and pinched nose.  And I love this couple. My favorite part about them is that they both left other spouses to be with each other and I mean how can you get better relationship vibes than that.  And Tori is always fretting that he'll find some new chicky with bigger plastic surgery boobies and leave her like he did wife number 1.  My other favorite thing is that he has this totally WT tattoo of a woman on his arm.  So I've been intrigued, is it wife 1 or wife 2, and if it's not Tori - how they hell does that bitch allow him to walk around like that?  If it were Pants and one of his old sluts I'd spend my days trying to figure out how to accidentally cause a little oil fire that he'd have to put out but not before basically burning his sleeve off and permanently disfiguring that hos face.  So I did a little google research and found it is in fact a beautiful portrait of Tori that glamour queen.  Only weird thing is it's on the back of his arm, in a place he will never see unless he's standing backwards in front of the mirror. Not a good sign Torster.  A man loves you, he puts a tattoo somewhere he'll always see it.  So my next campaign at home is for Pants to get a bad-ass tattoo of my mug right on his cheek, that way we're as close as a couple could be - cheek to cheek - together forever. And everyone he meets, including hot young anchors on Fox news, will instantly see how devoted he is.  Im for serious - let's go tattooin Pants.