A Guest Kvetch!

Mother-In-Law-ette has recently returned stateside from a glorious getaway in the Dominican Republic. In between showing off her fabulous tan (with snow, sleet and hail raining down in the background), she shared the following kvetch with yours truly:

"One looks forward to vacationing at a tropical resort. The sunshine that is so perfect it's as if they've paid Mother Earth a fee to shine down so lovingly on the resort guests...the pretty grounds, the all-inclusive eat-whatever-you-want-because-you-can attitude. I covet each and every moment. However, one thing that gets my goose is lounge chair invasion.

What is with vacationers whose sole purpose on their vacay is to wake up the earliest to claim their pool lounge chairs? We are on vacation people; this involves sleeping in; or at the very least until 7am--not the insane hour of 5am when some of you wrinkly sun-goddesses start making your way down to the pool to stake claim to a chaise! And I am not merely referencing a handful of offenders; oh no; by the time I've reached the sunny oasis there is not a single chaise left. Not a one! And half of these vicious offenders have the audacity to shimmy down there at 5am in their visors and sarongs, stake claim to a chair by placing their towel on it and a bottle of suntan lotion and then traipse off to breakfast, or back to bed for more shut eye. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Now I have no problem with vacating your chair for a quick run to the loo, a lazy swim, a cocktail, even to swing back to your room to grab the tabloid with Britney's latest pregnancy news stamped across the cover (btw, what is with that Britney girl? Her mother must be shvitzing tears over this lost soul; but that's another kvetch). But when you are gone from that chair for 2 hours, well that my friend is grounds for getting yourself booted from that chaise; towel, suntan lotion, flip flops and all.

So I use this forum to apologize, lady-with-the-way-too-large-yellow-hat-and-the-bikini-you-- definitely-should-not-have-been-wearing; 'twas me who stole your chair. I hope that your martini happy hour, massage and 6-course lunch were worth it. I certainly enjoyed my chair, thank you."