Sunday, December 16, 2007

Places I won't be invited back to...

Remember on Thursday when I couldn't think of anything to complain about? Yeah well that was last week. The weekend was supposed to be promising, but took a sharp turn. I'll fill you in on today's lowlights. Took a train up to what is essentially Canada to visit 2 her honna, see their sprawling new pad (which was beautiful) and for the pups to have a play date. Attempted to drown my sorrows in a glass of wine, which quickly turned into 3 - spiked with roofies, not sure who's responsible for that. Of course my dog sucks and refused to make friends with their awesome, fun loving and sweet dog and she tried to bite everyone in the room. We made guacamole and I'm also fairly certain we ate dog food. After our failed play date we decided to give up on them becoming puppy pals and we took to the man's room for a little herbal recreation. Turns out that was spiked with roofies too and in like a matter of seconds I found myself face down on their couch. Something like two hours goes by, and its dark outside; 2 and her hubby are hovering over me hoping I'll wake up so they can get to their dinner plans. Well wake up I do, promptly followed by throw up. I make a mad dash to their bathroom and cuddle the toilet for another half hour. Great. We pack up the dog, hit the car, they come to a rolling stop in front of the train station and I'm off. On the ride back to the states, I'm starting to feel queasy again. Never took metro north before - don't know if they have bathroom facilities so I proceed to pull a plastic bag out of my tote and puke again, airplane seat style. Hot. Don't think Bam or me will be welcomed back to the burbs to visit 2 again, and I'm quite sure I'm not allowed to ride the metro north Harlem lines anymore. Luckily I found myself in a cab, not quite sure how, and Mrs. Hall meets me for a little fried rice and little pep talk.

Now I'm panning for the New Year a little early, here are some of my '08 resolutions:
- Limit myself to one glass of wine per hour, sans roofies
- Stop trying to socialize Bam, just leave her at home
- Avoid thongs when wearing tights, short dress and have potential to pass out on friend's couch
- Carry toothbrush at all times
- Carry plastic bags at all times
- Keep amazing friends who listen to you cry, get you trashed, hold your hair when you puke and share a box of greasy food with you










2 comments:

Anonymous said...

What exactly are you talking a-boot? When you crossed back over the border you were looking rather dashing and quite chipper, eh? Seriously though, the Canadian hosts don't know what you are talking a-boot. You were the life of the party, eh?!

Anonymous said...

Our spy network has indicated an unauthorized visit to our holyland... should you return with your rodent-like canine in the future without appropriate visas, you will be henceforth sentenced to life with a gentile, without possibility of parole.