K V E T C H E T T E

I don’t like all this B.S. about Valentine’s Day being called a hallmark holiday, created by industry to make money etc. And those annoying people who act like they don’t care about it, like they are too cool. You just know they don’t have a date on Thursday and if they did, they’d be all up in a red dress feeling the romance of it all. Valentine’s Day IS IMPORTANT. We ladies bust our asses all year being good girlfriends/wives/booty-calls/whatever. We listen to you bitch about work, we go to your family events and wear a cute dress so your parents think we’re sweet, we take your dog to the Vet, we give birth to your spawn nearly destroying our girl parts int he process, we watch endless sporting games and sometimes pretend to root for your team, we pick up your stinky socks, we cook you the greasy foods you like and buy you butter crumb cakes every week, we sit in the hospital with you holding your hand and trying not to puke while your foot gets stitched up, we hang with your dorky friends, and we make sure to do it at least twice a week to keep everyone happy and settled. For this, and all that we do, we deserve grand, obnoxious displays of your affection and gratitude. That includes (but is not limited to) expensive jewelry, expensive dinners, expensive floral deliveries, chocolates, romantic trips, etc. It does not include lingerie (or sex-related materials of any type), coupon books for massages and stuff (if it didn’t cost anything, we don’t need it), poems, red roses (I hate them, don’t come at me with red roses, choose a flower I like) or basically any V-day related item you can buy at a drugstore.

I know we've got a good deal of male readers, so you know I'm talking to you! Don't try to make a drive-by at Duane Reade before you get home tomorrow. Get on the phone and the internets and hit the pavement, rain or no rain, stitches in feet or not, and do something special for the woman in your life who deserves it. I repeat, I'm a size 6 Louboutin!