Chores freaking suck

You know when you move to the big city, you start to see how people operate.  Movers and shakers in NYC like to outsource all the little unpleasantries that make up their daily lives.  (Yeah, I know unpleasantries is not a word but you all got the meaning, so I'm leaving it.  In fact new ette rule - if I write it and someone might get it, it's staying, f/u spellcheck, I'm not outsourcing my spelling.)  Think about all the things you don't do for yourself - house cleaning (maid), laundry (wash & fold), nails (little korean ladies), special massages (little korean ladies) driving (cabs), walking the dog (lazy college kid who needs cash), exercise (lypo) and the list goes on.  But Pants and I are from harder stock - we are not used to paying for people to do our chores for us.  We take them on ourselves (or beg our parents to them for us like you are supposed to).  I can paint my freaking nails and I can vacuum.  And frankly you all can too, which is why I generally look down upon people with servants (like my sister).  At least she has a good excuse, baby and school and full time job and all, but Pants and I certainly don't we've got nothing but free time.  We're not wasting any of our precious non-working hours planning a wedding or anything like that keeping us busy.  We watch TV, so I generally have no excuse not to do my chores myself.  But there is no chore I hate more than laundry, it's a documented fact, read earlier posts!  So imagine my surprise when I was welcomed home today by a plastic trash bag full of stinky, dirty, Pants clothes with a post it note saying "Pretty Please." Is this fucker joking?  Is he outsourcing his laundry to me?  Hell to the no - as my sister Whitney would say.  This is the freaking problem with living in NY for too long.  Neither of us have clean underwear, we're basically just turning them inside out and going for a second use.  My bras have lost all their elasticity, so my D's are not properly supported, and my weekend pants have baby vomit on them from like a month ago. We are officially out of clothes and since I just paid rent and took a fancy vaca and all, I can't afford new ones.  But I can't bring myself to do it.  Instead of doing my wash right now, I'm doing this, wasting my time and watching TV obviously.  For some stupid reason, like all other New Yorkers, I think my time is too valuable to spend on a dumb chore like laundry.  And there are my clothes, just rotting in that basket.  Looking at me.  Thinking I'm lazy.  Well screw it - I'm outsourcing.  I've made the decision.  We are getting a maid - she will do our laundry and the following other unpleasantries:

• Cleaning my hair off the bathroom floor
  
• Washing up where Bam missed the pad
  
• Dusting - who dusts, that's the worst one, so annoying, don't forget under the bed
  
• Putting the clean dishes from the dishwasher away
  
• Cleaning the soot from off the windowsills where Pants secretly smokes thinking the smell goes outside instead of actually being wafted inside from the breeze 
  
• Setting up the DVR to record all my favorite new shows (Gossip Girl, Real World/Road Rules Challenge, Hills obvi)
  

So Mom, see you this weekend, Thanks!