Big time. And I feel like I just did it, so the idea of having to look at a hundred crappy places again and then packing all my shit and moving is making me want to vomit my eggy breakfast all over the newly washed carpets in my office. But that would probably make it smell bad so I’ll hold it in, but I think you can understand the gravity of the situation. My little one year lease is up believe or not, and I can’t bear to stay in that tiny little hovel any longer. Here are the reasons why:
1. It’s too freaking small
2. I can hear my neighbors through our paper-thin walls, which means they can hear me and every time Pants and I have cross words with one another, they hear every one of them.
3. And as a result they refuse to say hello to me in the hall
a. Which is fine because I don’t need to be overly friendly with neighbors, I mean I have enough friends who I barely like talking to, I have no interest in making idle chit chat, but STEEL, you can smile, or say hello, it won’t kill you – it makes me crazy that they don’t acknowledge my presence when they see me. F them
4. It’s too small
5. The street is too noisy, I’m sick of all the honking and car alarms and annoying drunk people, I want some peace and quiet in my old age
6. No doorman, which means I have to send all my packages to someone else’s house, and it’s a pain to cart them back to my place
7. Too small
8. Because it’s a studio there’s basically one big (well actually small) room so when we cook, the entire apartment smells like chicken fajitas all freaking week. (Yes, smells like fajitas no matter what we make.)
9. Leaky ceiling, started dripping on my face as I was lying in bed trying not to think about food on Yom Kippur.
a. Yeah try to deal with a ceiling collapse when you are going on 19 hours of starvation, no food or water.
10. Small
So, if anyone knows of a great building, here’s what we’re looking for:
1 bedroom – big please
Accepts adorable, little, sweet and loving puppies
Laundry in building
Doorman
Elevator of course, not hoofin it up 5 flights thank you
UES, preferred, sorry Pants I need to be close to special niece
Must be in Manhattan – Sorry 2 and Husbandette – the burbs are for the birds
Oh and rent controlled ad free electric would be great too.
We’d like to pay 2k a month – let me know what you find!
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2 comments:
Here's an idea, instead of paying $2k a month for a crappy 1 bedroom in Jewtopia (aka UES), try BUYING something outside of Manhattan. For starters, your niece isn't gonna recall jack squat about you being around from age 1-5. Additionally, getting Pants on a mortgage with you might actually get you closer to getting married someday. This means you can have your own kid instead of dedicating yourself to your niece. It's a win all around methinks.
Oh, one more thing... this little thing called THE RECESSION and related real estate decline means you can buy something amazing now that will appreciate big time over the next 3-5 years. Since there are so many foolish people like you in Manhattan, the price decline is not yet evident here and likely won't ever be!
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