Show me the money

I have spent a small fortune this weekend. Husbandette jetted off to Montauk for a boys weekend with a slew of married men (and a couple of lonely single stragglers) for fishing, steak dinners and trying to see if these married men still had any game (for the record, they didn't...although they were told that married men are more appealing because they are committed which apparently means they've "grown up" or something. Doesn't make sense to me, but what do I know). Anyway, while husbandette was off gallivanting in the Hamptons, I was at home spending his money. I went out with the sole intent of purchasing a reasonably priced patio set because if you are going to live in the burbs (check) and you have a big backyard (check) you need a table and chairs so that when your friends come over and visit (at your request, insisting they travel from the far reaches of the city) you shouldn't make them stand around while they eat their hamburger. Fine.

Well this is no easy task. Finding patio furniture that doesn't cost as much as a small car is a feat in and of itself. All I wanted was four damn chairs and a table to slap some food down on. Starting at $1000 - this is what this crap costs. So I gave up on the patio search and instead I spent $500 on some cute dresses (I needed them for work, I swear!) and some tchotchkes for the house. Oh, and I bought h-ette a grill cookbook and a grill pan so he can bbq for me and we can stand around and eat it.

Seriously, though, between filling up my tank of gas for $80, the $150 I spent on groceries, the stupid patio set, I need to know how middle America affords to live these days. Like, we're just two people, so it's not like I'm feeding a family of four or anything. I'm buying four stupid outdoor chairs and a 48" table and I think twice about purchasing it because it just seems so frivolous. How the hell do Americans afford to live anymore??

Today I bought the stupid patio set anyway, b/c what the hell, right? I mean, you only live once, so you might as well be able to sit down and smell the roses (which we don't have because I can't maintain a garden for the life of me). But I'm telling you, consider this an open invitation to all readerettes - people better come over this summer and let us bbq for you, god damnit, or else H-ette is gonna be really mad at me.