Beach blanket bingo

Spent the weekend on Cape Cod. Yeah, that's how we roll. No collars popped though, and definitely no boat shoes, I can assure you that. Spent Saturday afternoon on the beach. Now this was a very popular beach - 2 big parking lots to park in, loads of soft sand to splay out your chairs and kids and way-too-big umbrellas and whatnot...and last year, upon discovering this particular beach I was happy to report back to my CC peeps that a) they don't charge for parking (a BIG plus on the cape) and b) you can drink on the beach (b/c what's a day on the beach without a six-pack?) and c) they offer a plethora of port-a-potties for convenience (and of course to help you after you've consumed said 6-pack).

Well, this summer, I guess the Cape is cutting costs. No port-a-potties to be had. After realizing this I was already 2 beers in, and sort of kegal-exercising my bladder into resistance. Well we for sure weren't going to vacate our spots and get in the car and go find a loo as it was only about 1pm and there was still way too much sun cancer to be gotten. No sirree. H-ette told me to go in the ocean. Well, it's only June and the weather has been pretty freakish, so as any of you eastern seaboard beach-goers know, the water has not yet had time to warm up. That beeyotch is colder than a witch's tit (whatever that means). But when a girl's gotta go a girl's gotta go. So me and about 35 kids, all who I suspect were doing the same thing as I was, ventured into the chilly waters and waded in up to our chests, because lord knows you can't just go in up to your knees and squat, that's way too obvious and that's behavior for someone who's had at least three beers, not two.

So this weekend was about peeing in the ocean. I am a huge advocate for not littering, for saving our planet and our whales and our Indian reservations and all that. But when a girl's gotta go, she's gotta go. So I advise if you are up on the Cape in the near future, stay away from South beach near Falmouth...the water is a little cloudy in those parts.