This week in the news

Lots going on in pop culture that needs comment, but I just don’t have the energy to write posts each of them individually, here’s my round up.

• Clay Aiken donated sperm to help friend conceive a child: Um, I guess he’s not gay. Who looks at Clay and thinks, yeah I want a baby just like that – I’d take my chances at the sperm bank I think.

• Lohans and Denise Richards reality shows: OY, we are really scrapping the bottom of the barrel here… I caught like five minutes of each show yesterday, and here’s what happened. Mother Lohan was at a party in the city, when an electrical fire broke out in her home, her 14-year-old daughter and 11-year-old son call the fire department who show up to sort of fix the situation and treat the girl for a resulting asthma attack. But the kids can’t get mom on the phone, her voicemail box is full – she gets word of the incident through her “driver” but is glad to know she “doesn’t need to rush home” because the kids took care of it. She strolls in at 3 a.m. to wake them up from sleeping in their beds to kiss them good night. And then she thanks the lord that the media didn’t hear about it, cause that would make her look bad. I’m crying inside for those children – we think the polygamist ranch kids have it bad… someone needs to swoop in and remove the Lohans from the house. On the Denise Richards side, she spent an afternoon telling people that “children are involved” and that’s why they should leave her alone, and then says fuck twenty five times in a row – so her dad takes away her ugly shoes and donates them to the Goodwill ad punishment.

• George Clooney breaks up with loser girlfriend: Bout time, he's famous, no way he's ending up with some nobody waitress.

• Heidi and Spencer create their own Web site: Thank you

• Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong dating: Enough already with both of them, just stop it

• Charlie Sheen marries that girl: He’s ugly, they are getting divorced

• Saw 27 dresses: Sucked