Reasons to Elope

Weddings rope you in to doing all sorts of things you wouldn't do under any other circumstance. Below are reasons to throw caution to the wind and just elope, family be damned...

1. Whatever you think it's going to cost, it's safe to say you can triple that number. And then once you triple that number and that becomes what you think it's going to cost, go ahead and triple it again. This exercise never gets old.
2. Colors and coordination take on a whole new meaning when you are not just talking about your shirt matching your pants. Now you have to worry about things like matching "taupes" and "ivory's" and textures of said fabrics "meshing." Yes, you heard me correctly; there are truly 461 shades of ivory.
3. Even when you say you don't want a lot of flowers; even when your centerpieces include all of one lonely flower, the florist inevitably finds a way to add a few zeros to the end of your tab just to make it worth her while for a "Saturday" wedding.
4. You are paying tons of money for everyone to eat and drink, and all the advice from those who came before you tells you that you won't eat a bite or sip a single drop because you will be so distracted and so excited. Hmmmm...sounds like the bride and groom get the short end of the stick if you ask me. Good thing I had a "tasting" with my caterer...at least I have a distant memory of what those seared scallops tasted like.
5. You put all this time and energy into planning something that may be outdoors, and then have to spend the two weeks leading up to your "big day" obsessing over and refreshing the website pages of dozens of weather forecasts. And to no avail, really, because Mother Nature pretty much does whatever the hell she damn pleases at this point (uh, global warming? California fires? 83 degrees in October?)
6. Your relationship suffers because you stress out about things you never have given any thought to until it's down to the wire. And your lovely fiance has second thoughts.
7. You are bringing together families that potentially haven't been in each other's company before, or divorced parents who have a certain 'disdain' for one another, or crazy relatives who have a tendency to drink and talk (the equivalent of drinking and driving), etc, etc..Do the math.
   

And finally...

8. You probably can't get away with having Elvis, Homer Simpson, Al Sharpton or Dolly Parton marry you unless you elope. And what fun is saying "I do" if your officiant isn't wearing bell-bottoms or silver sunglasses?