Halloweenie

Halloween brings out the best and the worst in people, especially in NYC. The best always end up with the most creative costumes that leave you speechless, shocked at their absurd creativity, and completely embarrassed at your attempt at a slutty cop. (Because we all know slutty cops are both a reality and extremely scary.)

The WORST on the other hand are the ones that took the old costume thing too far. Should your costume include any of the below components, you should consider just being a slutty nurse like Ette1 and 2 (however Ette1 did get creative one year and go as J-Lo. Woohoo):

1. A tank of propane gas. If your costume involves flames or fire of any sort, consider yourself not only having taken things too far, you deserve to get third degree burns.
2. Liquid or wet anything. This includes but is not limited to goo, slime, blood and pus. No-one wants to go home with a reminder of your stupid costume dripping down their Dorothy sleeve because they unfortunately rubbed up against you at the bar.
3. Clown shoes. If you insist on wearing shoes three times larger than your feet, you deserve to fall on your face; we, however, do not. So don't wear them and we won't trip over them.
4. Spikes. Do not use your body as a weapon if you are going to be in a public space like a bar. Yes, we know you have gladiator fantasies (we talked to your ex-girlfriend) but that spiked shield you are wearing as a chest protector scares us. Go home.

And additionally, these costume choices don't work under any circumstance:

1. Suicide bomber. Yeah, I can pretty much guarantee that nobody at the karaoke bar (or Grand Central Station) will find you the least bit humorous. And you will probably get your ass beat at least twice.
2. A black person (if you're not black). This is just wrong. Not only will it take you hours to apply paint all over your uncovered body parts, but you will not resemble OJ when you are done, and you won't resemble Mike Vick either. You'll just resemble an idiotic version of you who is trying to be funny. And failed.
3. God. Or Jesus. We already know you have an inflated ego; we don't need you to dress in robes with a fake beard to prove a point to us. And it's a tad sacrilegious.
4. A ghost. Putting a white sheet over your head does not make you scary. And ghosts aren't white, they are foggy and translucent; everyone knows that.
5. A KKK member. Putting a white sheet over your head does not make you scary. And KKK members aren't white, they are morons. Everyone knows that.
6. George Bush. We unfortunately get enough of him in real life. Please don't inundate us with images of him on Hallows Eve. That's when we just want to see monsters and slutty nurses.

Instead, try being something original; like a Facebook page.