Ick

I hardly ever have cash on me, I use my debit card for nearly everything, so much so that the paint has rubbed off the thing and I can barely make out the numbers – and the security code on the back – forget it, that’s long gone. There are very few times when you actually need cash in the city – the rare times are when you are buying a candy bar from a bodega – they don’t take kindly to swiping a credit card for $1.25 and the odd cab that doesn’t have the credit card machine. So from time to time I hit up an ATM. The other day I took a cab and he owed me $5 in change, and this guy handed me the most disgusting, worn out old fiver I’ve ever seen. You know when they hand it to you and it feels basically like tissue paper, like a strong breeze will make the thing dissipate? It was all stained and bent and probably used to wipe dirt off of something somewhere. It made me wonder where this thing has been, it could have been in circulation for 20 years or more, in that time, who might have handled my five spot? Murders, rapists, drug addicts, republicans. How many disease ridden fingers might have folded up the bill and stuck it in their sweaty pants pockets, resting precariously close to stinky, soiled areas below the belt. I won’t eat a food item a stranger passes to me with bare hands, but I’ll finger this gross bill that maybe a 100 people put their coodies on? Ew, I’m so grossed out by the idea. I wanted to throw it out rather than placing it in my wallet, next to my nice, newer bills. But then I thought that’s too wasteful, and there are poor people, etc. I considered handing it to a homeless person, but there were none around in my UES neighborhood and anyway, they probably would think it’s too gross and dirty too. So I’ve been looking for a way a way to spend it and get it out of my life. Luckily this morning as I purchased my yucky Kosher for Passover yogurt I was able to rid myself of it. No more cash for me, I’m going plastic all the way!