I have a friend, let’s call her Salma Hayek, who is one of those great girls who live in NY and have yet to find the man of her dreams.
And her family is hot on setting her up, so they pass her number, without her knowledge or permission, to any eligible guy they deem fit. And then she gets freaking ridiculous emails like the below.
Hi Salami,
My parents passed along your email address so I did feel compelled to reach out.
It's always an awkward thing when the 'rents do something like this, but it's probably easier just to be direct: I'm actually dating a fantastic girl right now. May parents didn't know I was (they are now) and collected your email in an effort to make an introduction. Obviously, not something I'm interested in doing in that context.
I'm always interested in meeting new people and making more friends. But beyond that, I'm working on someone special right now.
Take care, lady.
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Here’s what wrong with this email:
- He spelled her name wrong – douche bag
- He wrote ‘rents – geek
- His grammar is shit (they are now)?
- He’s “working on” someone special – blech
- Why the f would this freakshow (1) think she’s even remotely interested in him if she’s never met or had any contact with him (2) feel as though he owes her some bs email about why he can’t date her (3) think she’d care that he’s working on someone – what the hell does that even mean (4) think it’s any less awkward for him to be emailing a total stranger unsolicited than for his parents to try to set him up?!
Ten thousand dollars says this loser’s someone special is going to dump him at which point he thinks it’s meant to be with Salma and reaches out to her to try to set something up.
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8 comments:
Here's an idea... try posting the email so that readerettes can actually... ohh, I dunno, READ it? That might make this somewhat, perhaps even remotely, interesting.
Good work, carry on.
editor-at-large can suck it, everyone else could read it, upgrade your computer
I think we should start a national competition to find a good guy for "Salma." Sorta like in sleepless in seattle. Ettes, are you with me?
ps. I also had trouble reading the email.
I also had trouble viewing this so called "email." The text seems to be what we in the business call "aligned right." This site has potential because of its great name, but the content needs some work and the editing is of an extremely poor quality.
And can we also take a moment to reflect on "Take care, Lady."
One time my parents set me up on a date. It went a lil' somethin' like this...
She said, Drive fast, speed turns me on
She put her hand on my knee, I put my foot on the gas
We almost got whiplash, I took off so fast
The sun roof was open, the music was high
And this girl's hand was steadily moving up my thigh
She had opened up three buttons on her shirt so far
I guess that's why I didn't notice that police car
We're doing ninety in my Mom's new Porsche
And to make this long story short... short
When the cop pulled me over I was scared as hell
I said, I don't have a license but I drive very well, officer
Several years later I married that girl, but then she and our daughter Marley were killed in a freak helicopter accident as they were being evacuated from Manhattan after my scientific efforts at finding a cure for a rapidly spreading zombie-creating plague failed to stop the complete destruction of mankind.
I am worthless.
Remember us? We sang that awesome little ditty known as... ummm, Ditty.
Good times... good times.
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