It’s been like 2 ½ days and I’m already freaking sick of matzah.

The idea of Passover is to remember our forefathers in slavery and how when they were freed by Pharaoh the dough for their bread didn’t have time to rise so they put it on their backs and traveled
out of Egypt. What resulted was flat, dried out, tasteless crackers that we call matzah. All delicious bread items are banned for a full week – so we can remember how the Jews of old have suffered. And we kick off the week with a Seder that recounts the story of our sad, slave ancestors. The Seder at my house consists of dried up meat to go with dried out matzah, and my father dolling out passages to read from the Haggadah – the book that tells the story. Of course he always gives me the smallest parts and then skips me half the time, giving choice passages to my brother. So I make up for it by reading with accents and inserting She for He whenever it references G-D – they hate that. So like the good Jew that I am, unlike some Ette’s I know, I keep the holiday all week and stay away from pasta, bread, donuts, cookies and all sorts of yummy carbo-laiden treats. But some people take it too freaking far, there is some crazy rule about corn-syrup not being kosher for Passover that some freak show fundamentalist made up, see prohibited foods below. And then there are different rules that say if you are of European decent you can’t eat rice but if you are of Asian decent you can. Of course my Dad is Middle Eastern so we totally take his side and eat rice all week. You don’t know how hard it actually is when you can’t have bread items, there are only so many eggs you can eat in a day, and those sesame candies don't make up for it. And then I spend half my time trying to make bargains on other foods that my mom banned when we were kids. Like Breyer’s Ice cream is fine right, it’s just made of cream, milk, sugar and vanilla!?! So I stock up on all these Kosher for Passover products and my boyfriend ends up scarffing them down in between bites of pizza and bagels and I’m back to square one. OK, almost lunch time, guess I’ll have salad – again – which I hate cause it’s gross and not bready.

PROHIBITED FOODS

Leavened bread, cakes, biscuits, crackers, cereals, coffee ‘‘blends’’, wheat, barley, oats, rice, dry peas, dry beans, and all liquids which contain ingredients or flavors made from grain alcohol or vinegar (other than cider vinegar). For Ashkenazi Jews, the tradition is not to eat peas, corn, rice, beans or other legumes, because their flour closely resembles hametz; string beans are permitted. The Rabbinical Assembly has permitted the use of raw peanuts.