You don't make friends with salad

My body is rejecting Passover

I have a rather delicate system. I suffer from Crohn’s disease. Terrible affliction… makes you poop a lot. In order to keep it all in balance and regular, I have to watch what I eat (and take a load of drugs). Stay away from fried and spicy foods you ask? No, stay away from healthy green stuff! My body hates ruffage. Salad, veggies, fruits, they go right through me. In order to enjoy my low-cal friends I have to supplement with good ole fiber – from bread, pasta, bagels, pizza! I don’t really understand the chemistry of how it works, but I do know: lean salad = mean belly, yummy pasta = tummy happy. So now as I’m spending the week being a good Jew, I’m starting to have some gastrointestinal problems. I had my usual boiled egg, tomato and cucumber breakfast (the Tel Aviv special) but instead of the tasty kalamata olive roll I usually enjoy with it, I washed it down with sliced mango. Then I went super veg at lunch with salad topped with just a bit of grilled chicken – no carbs in sight. Needless to say, now I’m paying the price. I suppose I could force feed myself some matzah to get in some grains, but it’s so dry and gross I can’t create enough saliva in mouth to choke it down. I’ll do the best I can with this whole Passover diet thing, but I don’t think G-d intended for me to suffer quite this much – he just wanted me to miss cookies for a while.