The Ette is in

In another round of insightful Q&A, we continue with our snarky readers' ever-important issues at hand.

First, we address Mr. Deprived. Mr. Deprived asked the Ettes why his wife won't have sex with him more than 3x a month. This is a very good question. Now not knowing your wife personally, I can't say with certainty that these are the reasons. Because who knows, the madame could have a bevy of reasons she doesn't want to sex you up, including your possible pee and poo problems. However, my guess is this:

Let's assssssume there are 30 days in a month.

7 of those days are spent PMSing. Cramps, bloating, bitchiness, all the symptoms that clearly do not list "sexual relations" as their prescription. Try snuggling your wife during this period. Try letting her be right, scratching her back on occasion, and letting her control the remote for once. This seven day period will go much more smoothly.

The next 3-6 days are spent with a visit from the lovely out of town guest known as Cry me a Red River - at least that's her Indian name. You don't like her very much so you tend to stay away when she visits.

The next 3 days are spent allowing the body to get back to normal. No more cramps, no more 'tude, this all takes time.

Then there are no fewer than 10 nights in a month that a man neglects to brush his teeth before slithering into bed. I believe that's a scientific fact somewhere, some idiot was probably granted like 2 million from the government to conduct a study, however I could have told you that for free. And I just did. Brush your teeth, moldy mouth.

About 4-6 days out of the month there is some sort of drama/one of you falls asleep early/you're gassy from the 2 burritos you ate at dinner/ there are ancillary issues here.

And that leaves about three nights free to bump and grind and do the horizontal salsa.

Forgive me if my addition is wrong, math was never my strong suit.

Now for Mr. Hairy's question of whether women like hairy men. Hairy backs are out of the question. No one wants to see, touch, be privy to any sort of hair sweater on an area that by Roman and Greek theology terms should be muscular and displayed through togas only. The only thing worse than a hairy back is a shvitzy hairy back. You must immediately be introduced to the Asian nail salon down the street where they will wax you clean for $35.

And lastly for this round, as for Mr. Confussssssssion...you don't get the Ass in Asssskettes because you are one-dimensional. Everyone knows that an Asssss is better than an Ass. All the cool people add consonants. Like Riot Grrl. Those punk ass girls will kick your assss. You assume that we are nonsensical in our spelling but you know what they say about ASSuming.....