Wisette says...

Although I suspect that the questions provided under comments are less than serious, I will take a stab at answering. Mostly because I'm too busy right now to come up with a real post and because some A-hole is drilling and hammering in the office next door to mine and my brain hurts from all the noise. My brain enjoys soft white noise, like the sound the million little children running around in Jon & Kate Plus 8 playing in the background and the soft complainy whispers of Pants asking me if we're "ever gonna do some stuff."

Dear Mr Pee: It burns when you pee probably because you are a skank-ass and put it in too many loose women. My advice is to get to the doctor ask for a z-pack and keep it zipped up and away from society. I doubt seriously that it will be missed.

Dear Mr. Poo: I feel ya, no one understands a poo situation better than I. Your pain and also probable difficulty pushing is a likely side effect of the South Beach diet. Too much protein and not enough ruffage makes for an unhappy anus. Take two celery stalks and wash them down with a spinach smoothie. If that fails follow up with a Krispy Kreme and double espresso - you'll be sloshing your way to the bathroom. For the redness, see my advice for Mr. Pee.

Dear Spencer: Glad you asked, a posting on this question is long overdue in my estimation. We are firmly on Team Heidi and here's why. We totally believe a sex tape or some tape with Lauren's naked boobies existed as some point. We think LC tried to cover it up, but when she was friends with Heidi she confided in her about it. We also think LC is a totally tool. She's always passing judgement on her friends and their sig others - when who did she date - Brody Jenner, Hollywood's biggest douchebag alive?! Heidi is completely plastic and we like that about her, she's like a real live blow up doll and that makes us laugh. We can't wait to see her in Playboy sometime soon.

Hope this has been helpful. Keep the questions coming, I'm sure Ettte 2 has more eloquent advice to share.