Mother's Day gift getting woes

Mother’s Day is in the air. And for some it strikes fear in your heart. You have to come up with a gift - and not just a normal bracelet or pair of sunglasses kind of gift, it has to be truly thoughtful, to really express your gratitude to your mom for the years she suffered giving birth to your big ass and then raising you and dealing with all your teenage drama and stuff. Many moms enjoy a spa treatment or a nice bouquet of flowers, but not mine! If your mom is like mine you can basically guarantee that unless it’s Broadway tickets she won’t like it. Mom – you know it’s true, don’t try to deny it. She is so uber practical that she thinks gifts like those are silly: “flowers die, I don’t want a stranger rubbing me.” Try to get her a purse and the response is: "Thanks Honey, it’s not really a color I’d wear everyday but that’s nice of you.” Try to get her a new wallet: “Well I prefer one with a change purse that has a zipper, but thanks.” So every year I’m stricken with anxiety over what to do. And of course my sister doesn’t even play this game, she buys Broadway tickets in March and presents them to her with a card every year – to the great delight of my mom. Well I won’t give in, I bought a gift that I think is pretty and useful and something she needs and might not buy for herself. On Sunday afternoon I will present it to her with the carefully chosen card (can’t be funny, must be serious and long – no one-liners for her, it needs to really pour out the emotion). And on Monday I feel confident I’ll be returning the gift from whence it came. Well Mother it is the thought that counts and you can believe me that lots of thought went into my gift. I hope you don't hate it. Happy Mother’s Day, you are the best.