Zits

I don’t think we’ve done zits justice on this site to date, and yet they are one of the most annoying facts of life. They are not usually an issue for me (anymore) because I’m on bad-ass birth control that helps keep them in check – dual benefit: not getting knocked up and not getting breakouts – equally important. I also take very good care of my skin, no matter how drunk, tired, sick or drugged I am, I get my ass up and wash my face before bed – no exceptions – ever. I’ll admit back in my college days when you could never be sure what time of day or night a friendly face or booty call might pop by, I kept the eyeliner and blush on longer than was beneficial for my face, but I’ve learned my lesson and now vanity is nothing next to clear skin. Sorry Pants, this is me without makeup, deal with it. So imagine my dismay when a big ole honker popped up by my mouth on Sunday, not a little nothing around the hairline or a white head by your nose – a big old throbbing beast right on the side of my mouth where the two lips meet in the corner. Unfortunate placement because you can’t it under a comb-over or color it in and pretend it’s a Crawford-esc mole. Also unfortunate cause it looks like you have a giant case of herpes of the mouth. Luckily I guess, it’s just a zit and will go away eventually, but it’s one of those deep rooted bad boys that hurts when I open too wide, preventing me from properly enjoying a giant ice cream cone this weekend. And it’s so not ready to be popped, even though I tried to hasten the process last night and made a bloody, pussy mess that crusted up over night and now looks like I have some sort of flesh eating bacteria issue on my face. Of course I have to be in work, can’t exactly call out because of a big zit and all my good hair day confidence gets flushed down the toilet with this monstrosity on my mouth. I’m sitting here applying benzoyl peroxide by the bottle full and praying to the god of Clearasil that I get my face back in working order before the weekend. So I’m keeping a low profile this week until my little friend retreats, and just in case I’m wearing a low cut blouse so people can concentrate on other more attractive mounds on my body today.