The Mail Guy

Why is it that the mail guys in corporate world come in one of only two personality prototypes:

One is the recluse hunchback who pushes his cart through the halls, passing out magazines and PR goodies and sometimes actual "mail," but never utters a word, sort of has that timid, feared look in his eyes like at any moment he's going to poop his pants and he just wants to get your latest copy of Domino to your desk and scurry on his way before he poos in your presence. He's sort of a combination of Milton from Office Space and Jay from Clerks when he had the long hair. You feel sorry for him. You try to strike up conversations with him, moreso to see if he will actually implode if he lingers by your desk for longer than 2.4 seconds.

Then there's the other, complete opposite mail-order mailguy option. He's the life of the party. The comedian. He enters your floor pushing his cart which he pretty much thinks is his cabaret stage. You can hear him a mile away..."HEEEEYYYYYY Shirley! What's shakin, mama!? Where you been, I thought you quit?? I been takin' yo magazines home to my old lady, you crazy...what'd you have lyme disease or somethin'? That crazy cat of yours get you sick? Where you been girl?"

This guy a) feels entitled to loudly share personal comments about you that he shouldn't be privy to to begin with - how he knows you have a cat you'll never quite ascertain, and b) feels like the louder he is the more fun he is so he really gets into it. If he doesn't know your name, which often times he doesn't, even though he's delivering mail to your desk every day with every piece identifying who you are, he makes something up. He'll identify you by saying something like "What's up, blue-shoe-wearin'-girl." Or "how you doin', Swiss Miss." Where does he get these lines? Have people in the past told him he's funny?

Just this morning, as I was stumbling through the halls trying to locate the mail room to drop off a very important letter, I ran into the mail guy. He was starting his rounds and I asked him to point me in the direction of the mail room. He then proceeded to taunt me for 3 minutes as he said things like "it's in that door over there," of which I would open the door and find a conference room. He did this for about 3 doors and then I had had enough. I walked right up to him with a big smile on my face and just tossed my letter into his wagon. I mean really, did he think I was going to play this game with him all day? Who does he think he is? I am important. I have shit to do.

So there you have it. Two kinds of office mailmen out there. And no, I am not being sexist. You tell me when the last time you saw an office mail woman. She would have to be a new prototype because the 'bots don't come with boobs.