Waiting Rooms

Had an appointment with the VJ doctor this morning. Everything is in order, thanks for asking. Whilst waiting for Dr. VJ to call my deli number, I sat huddled amongst 30 or so pregnant bellies in the waiting room. Finding a seat was a challenge, as 8-month pregnant women donning parkas and bags big enough to hold twins and a dog within their cavernous holes certainly does not make it convenient for little un-pregnant patients to find solace in a seat. Nonetheless, I managed to swap one just before some chick's water broke so all was well.

As I sat waiting patiently for Dr. VJ, it occurred to me that doctor's waiting rooms are always the most bland, depressing spaces. The carpet always matches the drapes and the walls are always some varietal of the eggshell family. Artwork looks like it was pawned from a gypsy yard sale; always the cheeseball thin brass-esque frames and the prints that don't even actually fit into an art category. Is it possible that Bob Ross (of PBS paint-by-number fame) has a monopoly on doctor's waiting room art? Do the doctors really not have enough taste to choose some more thought-provoking art such as the cat hanging from the branch with text beneath it saying something like, "Hang in there, that STD is curable!" or something to that effect. I'm just sayin'.

Additionally, I raise the issue on waiting room reading materials. I am thoroughly confused why every doctor's waiting room offers the absolute lamest periodicals in existence. Things like Old Computers Digest and Scholastic. Where does one even order these magazines, and better yet, when was the last time you picked up Scholastic to kill time? Do these magazines cost less yearly? A magazine subscription costs on average $12 a year. My doctor charges my insurance company $500+ a visit to peer at my VJ. Can she not afford a subscription to People? Or Us Weekly? We'd all be much happier campers if we knew that our 2-hour excursion to the doc's would leave us filled-in and up-to-date on the Britney trainwreck.

I think I've got a solution. I am going to fill out and mail in subscription cards in the name of all my doctors, for all my favorite mags, and check "Bill me Later." That way when the magazines start showing up there, they will be waiting for me when I arrive, and I can happily wait my turn among all the knocked up chicks.