Bad morning

7:12 am: Awake to horrible, jack-hammer like grinding sound seemingly on my fire escape.

7:13 a.m. Pull pillow over head, pray horrendous, loud, miserable, too-early-in-the-morning-for-this-shit sound to end.

7:15 a.m. Defying all reason, sound becomes louder, throw warm cozy blanket off body, slam window shut, return in huff to bed.

7:18 a.m. Sound persists. Attempt to avoid loss of hearing by crawling deep into sheets, come face to ass with little dog’s butt, dog farts – morning is officially ruined.

7:19 a.m. I think sound has stopped. Yay!

7:24 a.m. Sound is back. Damn it.

7:25 a.m. Peer outside to see what devil machine is making said bone crushing noise. Looks they are grinding up trees! Freaking Christmas, it’s not enough I can’t walk down my block without pine needles becoming permanently embedded in my heals and finding their way up my pant leg basically into my underwear, now they have to grind these stupid things into mulch outside my window before dawn?! Return to bed, really cranky, hate Christmas.

7:28 a.m. Alarm buzzes, slap at snooze button

7:30 a.m. Awake to dog butt now on my face

7:32 a.m. Sounds continues

7:37 a.m. Alarm buzzes, slap at snooze button

7:44 a.m. Lay awake in bed, poised to snooze again, realize sound has stopped, smile, drift off.

7:46 a.m. Alarm buzzes, slap at snooze button

7:47 a.m. Consider getting up to pee, since I’ve been holding it all morning, but opt for several more minutes snooze time.

7:50 a.m. Sound returns

7:53 a.m. Really need to pee

7:55 a.m. Alarm buzzes, slap at snooze button

7:56 a.m. Dog tries to find comfortable spot – tell me about it

8:00 a.m. Give up on sleep, arise, unhappy, go pee

8:03 a.m. Sound stops. Consider returning to bed

8:04 a.m. Dog has peed on bed.

Bad morning.