Churrascaria

Ever been to one of those Brazilian steak houses? It's basically Mecca for really rich fat people. So Pants and I went last night, it's been a hell of a week and we needed a little pick me up, and figured eating our combined body weight in meat was the way to go. Now that I think of it, we should have invited Babies, he'd love nothing more.

Here's the concept:
You sit at a table and each diner is presented with a little round card, one side is green for go and the other is red for stop. Men rush by you with giant skewers of meats and sharp knives. If your card is green side up, they stop at your table and offer you a slice, if it's red, they rush right by you.

We decided to start slow and hit up the salad bar first, Pants almost fell over when he saw the mound of pre-shelled shrimp on ice. He went back three times for seconds, or thirds in this case, all-the-shrimp-you-can-eat is like Christmas morning for him. So we finally surrendered our plates and prepared our minds (by telling ourselves we weren't already full from salad and shrimp) and bodies (by loosening our belts) and got ready for the meat parade. It began to rain down grilled meats on us, pork sausage, chicken thighs, beef tenderloin, grilled lamb and it goes on. Then the carts roll by, beef spare ribs, a whole roasted suckling pig - I want to vomit. Before we can even say no more our sides are delivered. For two people they served mashed potatoes, broccoli, fried bananas, deep fried onion rings, some sort of dried corn meal hash and white rice. They place it all next to the special cheese bread already on the table. Meat mongers are swirling around us like a whirling dervish, they offer flank steak and porkloin, and it just keeps going. It doesn't take us long to turn our card over. We are clearly meat novices, and don't have the mental fortitude to take on the churrascaria. Before they could even whisper mention of dessert, we grab the bill and hightail it out of there.

I'm eating lettuce for the rest of the weekend. Babies I know where we're going for your birthday, in the six months between now and then I think I'll probably develop a taste for steak again, but we'll see.