Things that suck about taking the red eye:

• They sit you next to the galley and the air waitresses spend the entire night banging trays and glasses from the first-class service.


• Pilot insists on updating you about altitude when you are trying to sleep (who freaking cares about your altitude on a flight anyway, as long as you aren’t hitting any buildings I’m pretty much ok with how high we are).


• Seat reclines like not at all, trying to sleep sitting straight up blows.


• Just as you doze off the guy in the window seat who monopolized the shared armrest the entire flight shouts “Excuse me” in your ear so he can go pee, then he takes forever, not returning until you just about fall asleep again and he says EXCUSE ME even louder to get his big butt back in his seat. If you think you’ll need to pee during a flight then get an aisle seat dude!


• That same guy insists on keeping the window shade open so when the sun rises an hour and a half before you reach your destination you become blinded by the glare.


• The flight attendants actually wake you up to make you put on a seat belt during turbulence. Has anyone ever fallen out of their seat on a flight, and even if they do where are they going to fall to? You are packed in so tight it’s not like you’ll be rolling down the aisle.


• You took the ambien a bit too early and missed the "fall asleep" window, so instead of sleeping through the flight and arriving all refreshed, you are in a weird zombie, medicine-head coma the whole night and end up sleeping the whole next day anyway, voiding the purpose of taking the red eye so you can get shit done on Sunday anyway.

Next time, I'm extending my trip, taking a flight during normal waking hours and then calling out of work on Monday to recover. It's the only way to travel.